Let’s face it, most women would sooner chose to get a pap smear than compliment the men in her life, who haven’t earned her gracious observations, which ultimately lead to her kind words, otherwise known as a compliment.
But here’s what I found out, in some parts of the world there are more men diagnosed with personality disorders and mental illness than women. Many men are suffering from low self worth even if they disguise it with false bravado.
As a woman, if you keep in mind that your guy needs to hear compliments from you in order for him to thrive, you can shift your focus from what he should/shouldn’t be doing to what he actually does. Giving him compliments will require you to focus on the positive aspects about him. Some women are going to have to focus really hard, because some men have personality disorders and others slack off in relationships, there may not be many good things about him that are obvious to you. I suggest to give him what I call micro-compliments. For example “you did an awesome job choosing the right toothbrushes for the kids” or “I like that you keep all of your documents in one place.” If he is anything like some men I have been involved with, his documents probably have dog ears, coffee stains or worse, but if he has them together in a portfolio or container then compliment him about that.
The reason to compliment him no matter what is because although men may not admit it, they thrive with compliments. They want women to be pleased and even impressed with them. Whether they are aware of themselves or not. Its important to realize whether he has low self worth or whether he isn’t living up to the potential that you hoped he would blossom into. Because no matter which scenario is true, he needs to hear compliments from you.
What’s in this for me you ask? Well, you’re in luck, because finding the good in people is an acquired skill. After you develop this keen observation tendency, you will be able to use it in all areas of your life. Such as getting over depression and disappointments.
Here’s something to really appreciate about most men, if the compliment he receives from you seems small to him, for instance he doesn’t feel validated by you mentioning how great of a job he did with selecting the right toothbrushes for the kids, he will do something to achieve a bigger compliment. The key here is to make him see you notice him and that you will affirm him. This is the science behind why complimenting a man who you may not think deserves your observation works. Men like winning. To get more compliments for you, (now that he knows you have the ability to see the good in him and not just what you dislike) he will turn it into a game, and instead of earning points he earns your praise. He will work to achieve bigger more purposeful compliments from you when you initiate that the game is indeed on!
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